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Page Ought: The scoop on series finales

That's right, Cultureshark's explosive--and exclusive--gossip column returns, and this time we're sharing the scoop on a host of network TV season finales. If you don't want spoilers, turn your heads, folks, because we have all the juicy tidbits right here

Desperate Housewives: Look for a dangerous situation to culminate in several inconvenient plot threads being wrapped up at once! Do NOT expect to see ex-castmember Nicollette Sheridan! And, oh, yeah: at least one character DIES.

Grey's Anatomy: A bunch of characters engage in some hand-wringing over their personal lives. Others engage in hand-wringing over a medical crisis. This is gonna be a real game changer. And one character DIES.

Private Practice: A bunch of characters engage in some hand-wringing over their personal lives. Others engage in hand-wringing over a medical crisis. This is gonna be a real game changer. And one character DIES.

Lost: Many confusing things unfold in a manner that appears to answer many questions but also leaves room for perpetual "interpretation." At least one character DIES.

House: House deals with the same drug addiction he's been dealing with for years. There is some sexual tension. And the idea of anything truly original happening DIES.

Two and a Half Men: The titular brothers get in an argument over a wacky situation. The notion of Charlie Sheen's dignity DIED many years ago.

Law and Order Special Victims Unit: The detectives struggle to solve the case of someone who died.

Heroes: Wait, this show ended a while ago, didn't it? Somebody died, right?

America's Next Top Model: The remaining contestants make bitchy comments. Someone's dream of becoming America's Next Top Model DIES.

Masterpiece Theater: When an unsuspecting person dies, a very British but slightly quirky detective tries to solve the case.

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